Dually Noted is a new, all-original Above the Fold segment. Check back every Sunday for the new one.
Introduction/Capitalism
Adam Smith was a creeper.
He used to finger women in line at the bank.
He used to finger women in line at the store.
One time he fingered a man at the poker table.
None of them ever knew it was him.
It’s easy to fuck people with an invisible hand.
Jingoism/Patriotism
Last week the Michigan Militia plotted to blow up a government building.
Last week a pro-lifer murdered an abortionist.
Last week Lil W cried during the national anthem.
Last week Glenn Greenwald blogged about CEO bonuses.
Sex/Religion
Jimmy Swaggart walks into a brothel.
Swaggart: “I’ll take one ginger, please.”
Cashier: “Sir, this is a Popeye’s Chicken.”
Swaggart: “But the author just said it’s a brothel?”
Cashier: “You’d be a fool to believe an author.”
Awkward silence…
Swaggart: “Do you have any black chicks?”
The Right to Bear Arms/Freedom of Speech
A man with the arms of a bear is at a urinal.
“Ah! Eee! Ooh!” he yelps as he claws is dick accidentally.
Lord of the Rings/Conclusion
Why the fuck aren’t there any colored people in Middle Earth!? There are Orcs, Elves, Dwarves, Fairies, talking eyeballs, wizards, dragons, hobbits, talking trees, goblins…but black actors? Nah! That’s too fantastical! I know Middle Earth is supposed to be based on Anglo-Saxon, Norse, Celtic, and other predominantly white mythologies, but come on…you really think an Asian or an African never snuck their way into that part of the world back in the day? Psshh…
Check out last week’s Dually Noted!
